I sit here in my living room, contemplating the New Year. 2005. What will it hold for me? What will it hold for those I hold dear to me? 2 of my closest friends just left my apartment for another event they were committed to. I am a very grateful person to have them in my life…THEY are who I love. Them…and me. I could not be more grateful for where I am in my life and who I am at this moment. But more than ever, I am looking forward to who I will be and what I am going to become in the future.
I look at the tragedy surrounding me…so much death, so much fatigue, loneliness and sorrow. And I wake and realize that I am the only one who can control who I become. I see the horror that happened in the East from the Tsunami and I am not terrified. I see that it is a terrible thing that occurred. I see that people are lost, people have been killed-hundreds of thousands of people. I want to ease the pain of the living, but I also want to discover what truly is the best way to honor those who have passed. I have found that what gives my soul the most comfort-what makes my heart feel soothed is the determination I have to live my own life to it’s fullest. THAT is what I can control. THAT is who I am.
I love. I love a lot. I am grateful for my capacity to love. And am even more grateful for the fact that there are so many incredible people I have met during my lifetime. I’ve met a number of amazing celebrities, brilliant geniuses who have inspired me. I’ve met men who run my local grocery store. Jin runs the Korean deli I go to several times every week. He has been there for decades, and every night, whether I go into the store or not, I walk by and he waves. Our lives have intersected…it’s a nice feeling. I’m not quite sure why I’m feeling so thoughtful this evening, but it feels good…perhaps it’s the Veuve Clicquot. Perhaps the season.
I can’t tell ANYONE what they should do with their lives. I don’t know. All I know is that I resolve to be grateful for what I have and to embrace who I truly am and those who are truly close to me. I have learned this year…this week…that it truly is quality and not quantity. I am grateful for love. Real love, whatever you define it to be, I am grateful for that. Have a wonderful 2005 and thank you for your contribution to my life, and to the world-whatever that may be…I wanted to share with you a poem – my mother’s favorite.
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.
with love from Jamie at 11:12 PM
Lessons from 2004…
Wow…I’m getting old, but so are all of you. I wrote some stuff last year and felt like doing it again this year, as this time around it seemed like a year chock fulla lessons.
So here goes…Lessons from 2004…
-Friends are the most important part of my life.
-Diet Coke with Lime or Lemon flavoring is nasty.
-From now on, if I want to get in the holiday spirit, I will rent Polar Express.
-Just because your roommate says he’s in the New York City Gay Men’s Chorus doesn’t mean he’ll cut his mullet.
-If your 3 year-old niece says “I need some alone time right now,” give her some alone time.
-A good expenditure for your home is stocking your bar.
-It's kinda wierd to meet a sister for the first time when you're 28, but also kinda cool.
-Julia Murney is amazing (a lesson seemingly learned every year).
-Sometimes a Stoli Raz and tonic is all you really need.
-Benefits don’t always necessarily benefit everyone.
-The penguins at the Central Park Zoo are about the cutest things in New York City.
-Going to the closing night of a bomb Broadway musical is always an interesting experience.
-It’s cool when your friends get the roles they want.
-Washington Heights may have several things in common with Canada, but at least in Canada I can marry a boy.
-Sometimes all you really need is a hug from a cute boy.
-Even if a show is incredible off-Broadway, even if it sells out, even if everything is in place for a Broadway move, nothing is ever a sure thing.
-The higher up the ladder someone gets, the more people want to see them fall.
-It amazes me how competitive people get over something as silly as taking pictures of Broadway actors.
-It amazes me how incredibly supportive of one another, members of the Broadway community have the capacity to be.
-Sometimes it’s better to just not say anything.
-Protesting can be really fun, especially when you see several hundred thousand people who all feel the same way as you do.
-I don’t like most gay bars.
-The gym is not as evil a place as I thought it was…especially Gymnasio Grande on 181st Street.
-You don’t have to really be able to sing or act if you’re going to be a Broadway star.
-Rumors are evil, wicked things and can destroy relationships.
-Producing can be fun.
-Collaboration is the only way to really make something happen.
-Cameron Mathison is hot.
-Being relaxed when everyone else is out of hand can be a lot of fun.
-The Family Guy makes me pee.
-Some people are just too old to change.
-My favorite word is still grace.
-Sometimes it’s a good idea to quit.
-Nothing is more important than standing up for what you believe in…except maybe paying your rent.
-Sometimes it’s okay to remove someone from your palm pilot.
-Spending money on yourself actually IS just as good as spending money on someone else.
-I love reading The Alchemist by Paolo Coehlo.
-My vote does count, but it would count more if I lived in Ohio.
-Once in a while, it’s really okay not to like someone.
-Sometimes all you really need is an intelligent conversation.
-I cannot make someone happy without them choosing to be so.
-The movie Big Fish makes me sob.
-Telling someone off can be really therapeutic-if not for them, for you.
-Never underestimate the amount of time it will take to move 1200 people up two elevators.
-Sometimes all you really need is a Stoli Raz and tonic.
-Sutton Foster is pretty damn amazing-onstage and off.
-Just because a show made it into a festival does not mean it’s going to be good.
-Just because a show made it into a festival does not mean it’s going to be painful.
-If you think there’s a possibility that you will be grimacing during a show, don’t sit in the front.
-If you think there’s a possibility that you will be sleeping during a show, don’t sit in the front.
-a good massage is a life-altering thing.
-My favorite film is still Umbrellas of Cherbourg (Les Parapluies de Cherbourg).
-Being a cartoon is WICKED fun.
-As good an idea as it may seem at the time, drunk-dialing people rarely makes the person on the other end as happy as you.
-Just because you spent $14 Million on your musical and everyone thinks you’re going to win, doesn’t mean you’ll get the Tony.
-Internet chat boards are evil.
-Sometimes it’s too late to say you’re sorry.
-There’s nothing quite like screaming “I’m Gay!” into a cell phone to your homophobic father while walking down 34th Street.
-There’s nothing quite like making a donation to The Matthew Shepard Foundation in your homophobic father’s name.
-Christmas make me happy.
-Communication between one and one’s manager is intensely important.
-Sometimes managers are lunatics.
-Rosie O’Donnell is a really cool lady, as is her wife Kelli.
-Spandex is a privilege, not a right.
-Sometimes all you really need is a walk in Central Park and some Chinese food.
-Things hardly ever turn out the way you think they will…especially how you think they will.
-When a friend is onstage in a sequined shirt doing Liza moves, you have every right to make fun of them.
-I don’t like much cabaret.
-Homemade chocolate lollipops still make me smile.
-Contacts are fun, although they take some getting used to.
-When you hear that they are accepting and friendly in The Bahamas, don’t buy it.
-I’m going to miss my Uncle Sam and my dog, Molly.
-I hate Karaoke.
I think that about covers it for this year…I hope you all have a fantastic 2005 and that your lessons are just as bountiful as they were the year before! Happy Holidays and thank you to everyone who has been a part of my life up until now. Undoubtedly, one of these lessons learned, is because of you.
Much Love, Happiness and Hope in the New Year!
Jamie
with love from Jamie at 1:16 AM
I hate being SICK! I suppose it's God's way of telling me to relax and take a few days off. But here I am home in bed for 4 days now...but today seems to be a better day...(knock wood).
So, I've been able to do a lot of reading, watch a lot of movies...currently really intrigued by THE COMPANY with Neve Campbell (Christian's sister-I bet he loves it when he hears that). It's really fascinating. Check it out.
I was so bored last night that I watched the Eloise movies on ABC...with my hottie friend Gavin Creel...he's just adorable in the movies along with the ever-lovely Julie Andrews recalling her My Fair Lady role. Very sweet movies.
What else have I watched? Shrek 2...VERY funny...oooh and perhaps my new favorite holiday film...."It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie." The muppets are no longer even trying to be for children. Let's just say Scooter+Bondage/S&M clubs=BRILLIANT. As I said...it's a must-see this holiday season.
I think that's about it. Back to my jell-o, soup and gatorade.
Love, Jamie
with love from Jamie at 3:33 PM
So...Pippin...
It was such an amazing evening...Hearing Michael Arden with the 80-person choir behind him singing "Morning Glow" is a moment I will never forget as long as I live. Stephen Schwartz felt the same way.
What an incredible experience...I'm in shock that I was able to be part of it. Working with Rosie O'Donnell and Ben Vereen...well...I didn't really work with them, I just got them to do the show, but having them be a part of this was so fantastic. Rosie is not only talented, but one of the nicest women I've ever met. People in her position end up getting a lot of shit said about them unfairly. I'm sure she's been difficult...we all have, but for the record, as far as I was concerned, she was an absolute joy to be with.
And then there was Ben Vereen. What a kind, generous man he is. He is a consummate professional...we had to make up these special cue cards for him that Curtis spent the night before making. I handed him the cards when he arrived at about 4PM for a 7PM curtain (well...8PM curtain, but who's counting?) He walked onstage for the finale with nothing in his hands...in the few hours backstage, he got off book...and knocked all our socks off. The man still has it. Kate, Michael, Rob and I went to Long Island last night to see his concert of Sammy Davis Jr's hits...wow...to still be doing what he's doing just amazes me. He can do no wrong...that smile would light up any stage.
Anyway, many thanks to all involved with Pippin for making it such a great success! There are pictures at the following links:
BroadwayWorld.com-
Show and Party
Dress Rehearsal
Rehearsal Coverage
Theatermania.com
Glory! Glory!
Photo File
Playbill.com
Photo Call
Article
On a different note...I am attaching a review of sorts of Tommy Foster's one man show...NOT TO BE MISSED.
Tommy Foster is a 26 year-old HIV positive gay actor living in New York. After creating his one-man show, “The METHod to My Madness,” he found himself in a bit of a PR blitz with interviews on NY1 and a special report on CNN for World AIDS Day. What about a cabaret at Don’t Tell Mama’s should gain such National acclaim? It’s his deeply moving, intelligent, witty and horrifying story of his Crystal Meth addiction and subsequent HIV infection.
Tommy’s story is frighteningly an all-too common one nowadays. Boy next door goes to college, moves to New York to become an actor and winds up dropping the wholesome act for the pitfalls of drugs and unsafe sex. Through very little dialogue and delicately strung-together musical theatre songs, Tommy tells his story effectively and poignantly. Opening with Superstar’s “Heaven on Their Minds,” he effectively begins to weave his tale of warning to the audience, intelligently reconfiguring the subtext of the song to relate to his own life. We quickly learn about where Tommy began and his first experiences with drugs as he navigates Andrew Lippa’s “The Life of the Party,” and into a medley describing his almost immediate fall from the heights, ending with Cole Porter’s hauntingly appropriate “Love for Sale.”
William Finn’s “When the Earth Stopped Turning” is effective and moving and perhaps one of the strongest moments in the show, as we join our storyteller on his downward spiral into a hole which eventually was the cause of his infection with HIV. While passed out from far too many drugs, Tommy woke up with only the memory of a man whispering a warning into his ear, “I’m HIV positive and we just had unprotected sex.” Though not infected by this man, and assuming he had been, Tommy went out and had unprotected sex with several others and was infected by one, or many of them. Through the despair of discovering his results, he was eventually able to change his view on life and makes this journey clear via Guettell’s “How Glory Goes,” and Sondheim’s “Being Alive.”
Telling of his frustration with being HIV positive and trying to hold a relationship with men who don’t share his HIV status, Tommy sings sadly, sweetly “It Would Have Been Wonderful” of his lost opportunities in love. Winding up with the encore of Stephen Schwartz’ “In Whatever Time We Have,” Tommy impressively ends what has been an absolute tragedy with a clear and strong voice of hope. Though at times the show seems to dive pretty low, it always seems to effectively cling to enough hope as to not bring down the entire evening. Foster’s tenor is strong and viable through the entire 45-minute show and his ability to take songs out of context and make them truly effective for his own storytelling is unmatched. There is one more performance at Don’t Tell Mama’s, 343 West 46th Street, and as an added bonus, all proceeds will benefit Gay Men’s Health Crisis- Call 212-757-0788 for Reservations.
with love from Jamie at 1:25 AM