Many things in my life raise questions at this year’s Pride ceoebration.
Why am I out of the closet?
Why does someone NEED to be out of the closet?
Why do we celebrate this thing called Pride?
Questions flood my head when I think about being gay. I have been out of the closet to everyone I know for nearly two years now. The final hurdle was coming out to my father shortly after 9/11. At that point, I considered it a HUGE accomplishment to come out to my father. It was far from life or death, but coming out to my father was something for me that meant “I am a man.” Funny how that works, but it felt like the final step for me, for some reason. I was out of the closet to nearly everyone else for two years before then, but it was that action, the action of saying, “Dad, I’m Gay,” that was the true moment when I became an adult.
My relationship between my father and I changed that night. That night in the bar in Massachusetts. My father’s girlfriend (of ten years) was there. I said to her “Dad knows I’m gay right?” and she responded “Well, I didn’t officially know until now.” I said “Come on, I’m 26, I’m in musical theatre and I’ve never had a girlfriend, you must have had an inkling.” “Well, since you put it that way…” she said. Later on she said to me “I’ve had this conversation with your father and I told him that if he didn’t accept you for who you were, that I would leave him.” For some reason this gave me the courage to say it, after nearly 2 bottles of wine, and this encouragement from this woman who has essentially become my stepmother, I told my father.
Two years later, I had a conversation with my Dad. I asked him how he felt about gay marriage, something I’ve been very vocal about in the past few months. He told me he didn’t think it was right, that essentially, his son should not have the right to marry a man he loves. I asked him an important question…I said to my father, “Dad, you still think I could be straight if I wanted to be, don’t you?” and he responded “yes.” My heart sank. My own father…this man that I thought now understood me…this man who told me he was fine with who I was and thanked me for being so honest with him, this man told me he didn’t understand me and told me I should change. I explained to him that I thought it was strange that he thought he should have the opportunity to marry the women he has loved but that opportunity should not transfer to me. I brought up the fact that he has had not one, not two but three unsuccessful marriages, and blew to smithereens his argument that a heterosexual marriage is without problems. He tried to explain that he has been unlucky in love…I informed him I was very lucky in love and that perhaps he should try dating men. He didn’t agree, or at least that’s what I understood from him hanging up on me.
People still don’t get it…some never will (my father for instance). And now, this woman who inspired me to come out to my own father, this woman who has told me numerously I should be proud of who I am, this woman is unhappy. She’s unhappy because my father has been spending a lot of time with another woman. A pattern, it seems, in my father’s life. At nearly 70, one would think this man would know better…but he hasn’t learned. He hasn’t learned that love isn’t disposable, that love isn’t without pain and fear, that love shouldn’t have an expiration date, especially when love is sanctified by marriage. How come I understand this, when I can’t marry in my own state and my own father, who has been married and divorced three times, still hasn’t caught on?
That is why something like Gay Pride is still important. The march that I will be participating in is another reason why our movement should still be active. This year I volunteered my time to put together a benefit for the Matthew Shepard Foundation. Matthew Shepard, for those of you who don’t know, was a young man, brutally murdered for being gay in Laramie, Wyoming more than 5 years ago. Another recent benefit for the foundation yielded a typo in one of the advertisements. The typo read “a benefit for the Michael Shepard Foundation.” This is why we still march. People have forgotten. People have forgotten about this young man who was brutally beaten, murdered and tied to a fence in a desert to live his final hours. This is why it is important still.
Happy Pride. Believe in who you are and don’t be afraid to say it. Embrace your differences and enjoy the world and it’s abnormalities. Love. Love as much as you can.
with love from Jamie at 12:00 AM
Helloooo...
Thought I'd drop a line and say hello. I had an incredible time this past weekend at home. The weekend started with a car ride back to Boston with one of my best friends, Meri-Lee and our friend Sharon. It was quite a fun trip to say the least. Then the next day I spent in Marshfield, MA, where I went to High School. I was going there for my friend Amy's wedding. She married an absolutely beautiful young man named Ty and I have never seen a couple happier on their wedding day. On the way to the reception, Meri-Lee and I stopped at Jan's Ice Cream, where I worked all through HS-it was quite a blast from the past...a little traumatic, but fun nonetheless. After that, we headed to the reception in Cohasset, just a few blocks from where I was an extra in The Witches of Eastwick *(when I was 11). Tons of memories flooding back to me this whole time.
After the wedding, I headed home with my friend Kelly to meet her young friend Michael Angelo, a young actor that needed someone to talk to that was...let's just say, similar to him. The next morning, I hung out with him and Kelly and Kelly's two beautiful little girls Abigail and Amelia.
Then my Mum picked me up and we headed to see my Uncle Sam. Sam isn't doing very well. He's dying from bone cancer right now, but I can't tell you how incredible it was to not only see him, but that he was so coherent when I held his hand. I got to chat a lot with his wife as well, my Aunt Peggy. She went over most of the family's geneaology with me (something I've always been very interested in). I also was able to see a bunch of my cousins that I haven't seen in nearly ten years. Then off to my brother's house...
My niece Amy and my nephew Cameron are two of the best children I have ever met (a little biased...yes). They are both hilarious and great kids. Cameron, who is ten, has acquired a girlfriend...well, he doesnt know it yet, but there was a girl at the birthday party who followed him around and stared at him like something out of "Fatal Attraction."
And now I'm back in the city, preparing for Pride this weekend. I'll be marching Sunday with The Matthew Shepard Foundation, which excites me a lot.
And in other news...I'm going on a cruise!!! WOOHOO! I'll be going on Rosie O'Donnell family cruise with Mick. We're very excited about it, especially since neither of us have been on a cruise (unless you count the Staten Island Ferry). Thanks to my good friend {r}, we'll be enjoying a wonderful 7 days in the Atlantic...love you {r}. {r} is the best- a very handsome and straight single man-any hot young ladies out there, let me know-have I got a catch for you!
That's about it for now!
Love, Jamie
with love from Jamie at 10:19 AM
Hey there
Some exciting news may be on the near horizon, so keep an eye out for that. Other than that exciting news, other exciting news includes Mandy Gonzalez' Front and Center Concert was a huge success-a big sell out and artistically (other than a light which I had to hold the plug into the wall for most of the concert) was a big success as well. Mandy was nothing short of fantastic.
What else is going on? I went to the zoo last night-it was a party to celebrate The Callen-Lorde Community Health Clinic and they had their event at the Central Park Zoo. SO MUCH FUN. Mick and I wandered into the rainforest exhibit but no one else was in there so we weren't quite sure if we were supposed to be. I've decided I don't really like rainforest exhibits all that much...all these animals are just kind of walking up to you...huge birds (pretty, but huge) just comin over to say hello. We walked higher and higher through the exhibit and Mick didn't really want to get much higher...I assured him though that they'd taken the pterodactyls out of this one. He hit me. Just kidding. no hitting here...it was for comic effect. seriously.
Workings are under way for this Winter's concert of Pippin. We had a meeting with the lovely Lissa from the National AIDS Fund (whom I'd never met but spoke with dozens of times last year during Children of Eden). And then I had a meeting with the Storm Theatre which will be the co-benefactor and presenter of the concert. So there will be some info released on that in the coming few days.
That's about it for now, I think...oh wait, one of my best friends, Max von Essen will be appearing this summer in Ogunquit Maine as well as in the Hamptons as Patrick in Auntie Mame, also starring the legendary Charles Busch. Make sure you go and support him. He and the show, I'm certain will be incredible!
And I am going home this weekend to do several things. First off I am seeing one of my best friends from High School get married. She was opposite me in everything we did...starting our sophomore year when she was Annie and I was Daddy Warbucks-not only was she older than me, but she was taller...a very nice production. And then we were the Baker and his wife in Into The Woods, and Pippin and Catherine in Pippin...the list goes on. She's fabulous and I am so happy for her. Then Saturday I am off to my niece's third Birthday party...this girl is going to be an actress-She is already outwardly scheming to make people jealous of one another-in fact last time I was home she took it upon herself to introduce me to my brother..."Daddy, this is Uncle Jamie, Unclie Jamie, I'd like you to meet Daddy." SO funny.
Then on a much more serious note, I'm visiting my Uncle Sammy. He's not doing very well with some pretty aggressive cancer. It was all discovered quite recently when he fell out of bed and broke his hip. I have so many incredible memories of him. I didn't grow up with a grandfather around as they had both passed before I had the senses to remember them. So if there was a Patriarch in my extended family, it was him. Every Christmas we'd go to his house on the Cape for a family reunion and he'd be sitting in his chair watching whatever game it was...(I didn't really care about sports then either). But always he'd be there to give the biggest warmest hug you'd ever had. I hadn't spoken to him in a few years and then a couple months ago, his daughter, my cousin (who was also kind of an aunt because of her closeness in age with my mother) had some very complicated surgery. I called to check on her and ended up chatting with Sammy for about a half hour. You could tell on the phone how pleased he was to hear from me and he kept telling me how proud he was of me that I was in New York and doing the things that I wanted to be doing. I'm very excited about seeing him this weekend...I'm glad I'm being given the opportunity once more.
How's that for ending on a ballad? Hope you are all well.
Love, Jamie
with love from Jamie at 10:20 AM
Hey there!
All is well here in uptown Manhattan. I'm sitting at the local Starbucks killing some time before heading downtown to some meetings. One will be with Kristen Haangi, who directed BARE. We are putting together a concert as part of BroadwayWorld.com's Front and Center Concert Series (the first of which is Mandy Gonzalez and is taking place next Monday the 14th at The Pink Room-so go order tickets now at www.smarttix.com).
I've also been chatting with The Parkinson's Resource Organization in LA about putting together a benefit for them in the Fall-we will see how that all works out.
And I am looking for organizations to benefit with this year's World AIDS Day Pippin Concert. That is also in the planning stages.
Things have been very exciting-it seems like there's a whole lot happening as of late-7 REECE MEWS closes on Saturday night. They have ahad a great run. I got to see the show last night-everyone has really grown into their roles, it's amazing to see.
I think that is about it for now...
Hope you're all great!
Love, Jamie
with love from Jamie at 1:04 PM